"But you could have hit harder!" The annoyment of the paper tigers
Always Higher - Faster - Further?
I used to be quite active in various BDSM and fetish groups on Facebook. Back in the day, you could actually post all kinds of explicit stuff there without being immediately banned (be it thanks to automatic algorithms or thanks to crappy reporting pussies). And there was a time before the "50 Shades of Grey" movie* when the groups were actually mostly respectful, appreciative and uplifting. In my opinion, the most wonderful group back then was our Subby group, which the rather legendary Sir Magnus started - just when I tried my first steps in the scene. Good old days are over, period.
Apart from the bitching and pissing among themselves, when all possible factions transfigure "your BDSM" quasi to a religion and fight everything else to blood, a very special kind of men made me very special joy: "The But-ou-could-have-hit-harder-idiots". If a sub posted a picture of her marks full of joy, you can bet (I assume this is no different today) that a few "Ultradoms" (typical feature: pithy names like "Dominus Hitemtodeath" and missing or stolen profile photo) immediately etch into the keys and secrete their battle cry "But you could have hit harder!". And I then oscillate between contempt and anger, because these spacken unfortunately always manage to unsettle and demotivate Subby newbies. In addition, real SMers left the groups more and more annoyed, which was really damn unfortunate.
Fortunately, this type almost does not appear in the real world. If such a super-(stupid)-dom actually dares to make such remarks during a public session in a club, he will probably think twice about further visits afterwards. I assume that he will not tend to reconsider his behavior, but whether this disgrace all the more will haunt the virtual world with his "expertise".
Unfortunately, not all such guys are only virtual abusers. Some actually succeed in persuading a young sub to allow herself to be abused by the "master". The physical and especially psychological damage that can result is so massive that one cannot warn enough about it. In the clubs, the "careers" of these assholes are fortunately usually very short, because the community usually pays attention and the "masters" then very quickly collect a house ban. Unfortunately, however, it is often not immediately recognizable whether the abuse is consensual...
Online I have (even when I was still a passionate maso-sub without any Dom ambitions) often smugly made over such specimens and exposed them to general ridicule. Partly, of course, because it was fun and powdered my ego, but it was also always quite clearly my concern not to leave these paper tigers the field in the groups.
Whoever is confronted with these "But you could have hit harder!"-idiots: Whoever says something like that is simply an idiot and usually also a pure keyboard wanker.
If I myself propagate "Higher, Faster, Further", then not at the expense of others! I myself have the tendency (and strength!) to try out more and more extreme things on myself. But I would never expect others to give up their limits for me just because I want them to - empathy, deep empathy is the magic word there. And most of all, I would never turn up my nose at other people's play and say "You could play harder than that!" - unless in the game with dear friends and acquaintances ?
PS: Of course there are also women who act out as goddesses and become assaultive. This is also bad, but in my experience it happens extremely much less often than male aberrations. Unfortunately, however, they often take away the courage of young submissive masos to move freely in the BDSM world because an ignorant bitch deliberately played too hard on them.
*in fact, my impression is that the scene has changed quite massively after the release of this film
In this section:
In this section:
Why I of all people write a blog about passion, sex and everything around it? Because until a few years ago I myself was still incredibly clueless, preferred to put myself in cuddly dream worlds and was a sweet, yet inconspicuous sexually almost completely inexperienced cutey.