Party / People / Dance / Sex - my life!
Party / People / Dance / Sex - my life! ...is that too little...?
When I wrote on Facebook some time ago that "party / dance / sex" represent my meaning of life, I was accused of being superficial. Significantly, however, such "accusations" usually come from people whose lives I myself consider unspectacular or even trivial. Since I don't like to position myself in this way and certainly don't want to give the impression of "elevating" myself above others, a statement on this is a rather difficult balancing act. But what the heck, these are my thoughts and my blog. And who wants to condemn me, does that anyway - and reads if necessary simply the desired "between the lines" out. What I condemn on the other hand: if statements are put into my mouth or one interprets and twists my statements.
What I say I mean always completely exactly in such a way!
I have already experienced a lot in life - also very different incarnations of myself. Basically, I've been on a kind of self-discovery trip since I was born ? There were times when I lived almost exclusively for my job as a web developer and my hobbies. Times when I dreamed of life with the ideal partner in the countryside and of children.
I experienced bad times when I felt that my life was going nowhere, that I was running away from my fantasies and needs, and that I wasn't really accomplishing anything of consequence. When I finally experienced an extremely bad breakdown that destroyed all my plans for the future, I was left with virtually nothing. Within a year, I had lost almost everything that meant anything to me: my job, my beloved mother, my boyfriend (and Dom), and my belief in a meaningful future.
Giving up was always an option for me only in very bad hours... but my strength was always only enough for a short fight, then I sank back into agony.
As chance would have it, when I already thought my life would consist only of watching movies, nature hikes and other vanilla-pleasures, a very fascinating young bizarre lady moved in with me and turned my life upside down. She showed me a world of which I had not even suspected that it existed: The kinky-hedonistic party world! When I emerged into this world and sowed my wild oats, incredible things happened in record time. I won't hide the fact that I also experienced disappointments and humiliations that drove me to the edge and made parts of me break (my submission).
But no matter what happened: I was finally alive! The intensity of this new life eclipsed everything I had experienced up to that point and made me repeatedly brush aside my fears and shame and plunge headfirst into the ice-cold water. My need to make others have fun finally found its focus and I was able to flourish in ways I never would have imagined. My severe depression was but a shadow of the past and a thousand golden gates seemed to be calling me, promising me a wild, wonderful, fascinating future!
I, who was usually into Independent, Grunge and Britpop, discovered Techno and became an incredibly intense dancer with moves I would never have thought myself capable of. The sexual wallflower mutated into a passionate sex and fetish goddess who seemingly knew no limits. And the most wonderful thing: All the people with whom you exchanged verbal and non-verbal, the feeling of being part of an incredibly energetic and sensual subculture, which was different every time and always so insanely intense.
If I were given the choice today between a "normal" life as a mother and housewife with the ideal partner in the green and every colorful, queer, sexual, fetishistic, hedonistic, ecstatically danced through world of clubs... I would choose the latter without any hesitation! I really have the highest respect for families who give a home to happy children. But my way can not and should not be like that.
I have found my destiny as a queer, hedonistic, kinky party girl, bizarre lady, dominatrix, fetishist and... and... and that's exactly how it should be, become again and stay this way!
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Why I of all people write a blog about passion, sex and everything around it? Because until a few years ago I myself was still incredibly clueless, preferred to put myself in cuddly dream worlds and was a sweet, yet inconspicuous sexually almost completely inexperienced cutey.